How to Boost Your Self Esteem and Self Confidence
Self respect means coming from your power, not your weakness. It means owning your decisions and standing by what you believe in, even if others do not agree.
The story of the Ugly Duckling is about a little new born duck singled out by his peers because he looked different to them. He was teased mercilessly as a result so he removed himself from his family nest and sadly wandered the land in solitude on his own. As the seasons changed, the little duckling grew up feeling very unhappy and dejected so he made a decision to throw himself to an area where a flock of birds are known to get slaughtered. He didn’t want to continue his life lonely and sad…..
One day as winter drew to a close, the little duckling discovered his reflection in the lake as it gently thawed out from the cold winter season. Astonished, he could see that he had grown into a beautiful white handsome swan. Unaware of this for many years in isolation, he had spent much of his life sadly never knowing his true potential….
This story is a magical metaphor which holds a powerful message about the absence of self acceptance and self love, and how our external experiences impact on our inner world (our subconscious mind). The duckling experienced negativity from external conditioning (the opinions and beliefs of other’s), which led him to believe that he was unattractive and unloved. He therefore formed a limiting belief about himself based on the negative experiences he’d had as a result. He isolated himself from the outside world living his life in loneliness and solitude, believing he had nothing to offer. When the duckling was able to see his reflection in the mirror he finally realised that he had grown into a handsome swan and the self acceptance followed. Imagine if the Duckling had believed he was beautiful beforehand? How then would his life have been different?
Whatever it is that you want to change about yourself, try to understand the qualities having this change will give you first. Will you feel happier, sexy, attractive, desirable, confident, self assure, accepted? All of these qualities can be gained before any changes need to take place physically because self esteem and self love must come from inside you, the core of your being and your mind. This is the biggest secret to boosting self worth, and learning to accept yourself for who you are, it must start from within.
When your thinking changes, your neurology changes. The way you interact with people changes and in turn the way people interact with you changes. Your perception of the world is seen in a much more positive light and you can feel self assured that you are coming from your power when you take full control and responsibility for yourself.
If you struggle to come from your power and don’t feel respected by other people, consider asking yourself these questions:
- By whose standards are you judging yourself by?
- How much responsibility do you take for the way you feel or treat your mind and body?
- Do you often pass the blame to someone else for making you feel a certain way?
- Do you make your own decisions?
- What do you sound like when you talk to yourself in the mirror or to the people around you?
- Do you take on too much responsibility and then complain that people are taking advantage of you?
- When was the last time you did something for yourself or had some space?
- When you make a decision, is it with other people in mind, or for yourself?
In order to gain the strength of your own self worth and believe that you have power, you need to change the language you use, the decisions you make and the way you interact with people. Why spend your life being the victim? When you behave like a victim, people will treat you like a victim.
Many of my clients come to me because their negative perceptual thoughts about themselves and the world around them have completely taken over. Nothing excites them any longer, they have consistent negative feelings, and feel powerless to make a change. When you let go of your power, you lose your focus, passion or desire to do something, life can become very unpleasant.
The most effective way to build up your self esteem and self worth is by taking control of your decisions, owning what you say, taking responsibility for your actions, and know that you are always doing the best you know how. Try to work on letting go of your own self criticism so that you can move into a place of power and control.
When you next doubt yourself and your ability, or feel like you’re beating yourself up verbally; ask yourself some questions that identify your good points:
- What do you like about yourself, even the smallest and minor recognitions here are important?
- What positive qualities do you posses?
- What have you achieved in your life so far, however small?
- What challenges have you faced and overcome?
- What are your talents and skills?
- What do other people value in you?
- What aspects of yourself do you appreciate?
- What are the bad things you are not?
- How might another person you know and trust describe you?
Doing this exercise will get you thinking in a more positive way, re-framing your thoughts so that you can focus on what is good and positive as opposed to negative and depleting.
A person who has a balanced sense of self esteem can identify the good points about themselves. They speak highly of other people and often give compliments without giving it a second thought. They will own their decisions and although they make mistakes too, they are able to move on from it far more quickly without worrying what other people might be saying or thinking about them. They can apologise coming from a place of power as opposed to a place of weakness. As a result they have strength and control over their decisions, allowing them to achieve successfully.