When we are hurt it can be very difficult to simply forgive and forget. Strong feelings of anger, disbelief and hate consume us as we try to digest the situation, or plot revengeful ways to get even! We spend time regurgitating stuff over in our mind and playing the memory back like a movie. Repeating these experiences is a natural way of processing and digesting a situation. But when we can’t let go of some of these feelings we create a situation that can very much be to our own detriment.
When people criticise or judge us it is the beliefs we hold of ourselves that make us upset. We often compare ourselves to other people and as a result, we are subconsciously critical for not being good enough or meeting a set of expectations. Often when someone upsets us they have hit a nerve in an area where we feel weak or vulnerable. And in addition people who display negative attitudes or behaviours towards others are often unhappy in themselves or lack self esteem too.
Having resentment can seem like a justified excuse to punish another person for upsetting you, however holding someone else responsible for how you feel is actually giving them the upper hand. Repetitive negative thinking about past situations causes stress, anxiety, depression and at worse illness. When you allow someone else’s behaviour to push you into the ground, you become the victim and are burdened by your own heavy feelings. Of course some things aren’t easy to just forgive and forget, but it is worth considering how useful it is for you to have these feelings and if holding on to resentment in relation to a particular situation is serving you in a postive way.
Letting go allows you to move from victim to empowerment. When you let go of the negativities that weigh you down, you are free and liberated and your overall mindset and well-being will improve.
If you’re feeling weighed down or have consistent negative thoughts it could be worth asking yourself “Who do I need to forgive?”. Any day is a good time to consider letting go of these feelings towards yourself or others. Some releasing may be towards people in your family or close work colleagues, in some cases it could be yourself that needs forgiving by other parts of your subpersonalities. Whoever they are, the solution is to appreciate that we all make mistakes and we are all on our own journey of self discovery. Releasing the need to hold a grudge is not letting people off the hook, but giving yourself permission to move on and focus on building up your own wellbeing and happiness.
If you are finding it hard to forgive yourself or someone else, finish off these sentences:
It is useful for me to feel resentment towards……………. because………………….
To be able to let go of this resentment towards…………… I would need to …………………………
If I allow myself to release this resentment, I will …………………………..
If I do not release this resentment ………………………………………………
“He who would not forgive must judge, for he must justify his failure to forgive”
~ A Course in Miracles