How To Overcome Jealousy – 6 Useful Tips
How do you feel when your best friend loses weight and lands the man of her dreams? The annoying work colleague who gets a promotion? Or your partner who gets a free trip away from you for 3 months with work?
Of course you congratulate them, tell them they are amazing and how pleased you are for them right? But then the shock sets in and you begin to feel outraged or deflated and perhaps you feel a tiny bit jealous! It can be healthy to have a little bit of envy but if you find yourself in a constant web of despair every time someone gains something, it can become very overwhelming.
Frequent bouts of jealousy is a manifestation of insecurity, fear, rejection and low self esteem. Jealousy is one of our most intense emotions, even animals get jealous! However, if it is taking over your life or ruining your relationships then perhaps you need to look a little deeper.
If you are currently on the receiving end of a jealous person or have been a victim to other people’s jealousy in the past, then this article is for them; feel free to pass it on!
Here are six simple ways that can help you alleviate or overcome that little green-eyed monster. As a result you can take back control of your emotions and be the captain of your Self!
1. Channel your jealousy into taking some action for yourself so you feel you’ve accomplished too!
When you are jealous of someone you are using up your personal energy resources into a story or feeling that is created by your own self perception. When you compare yourself to someone else you are looking to fill a gap within your own insecurities, but willing to hold the other person responsible for it. Have you ever experienced someone being jealous of another person when all they really did was take control or action in some way? But the opportunity is there for us all to take as well.
What action could you take to improve your life or your situation, and are you trying hard enough? Holding a deep resentment towards someone for being in control of their life is a pointless anxiety which only makes YOU feel worse. Let it go and instead channel some of this emotion into doing something that makes you feel like you’ve accomplished something as well!
2. Improve your relationship with yourself and celebrate the successes of others!
Unfortunately jealousy and envy is a common reason why people bully, gossip, or have something negative to say about someone else. The world would be a much nicer place if people were willing to be more encouraging to one another and not be fearful of each other’s successes or achievements. The more encouragement and love you can give towards your relationships and your friends, the more you will get in return. If your mindset is programmed into looking for the flaws or negativities in someone or their situation, you will notice that most of the time you think negatively towards yourself in that way as well. If you improved your relationship with yourself, you would not need to fear the accomplishments or triumphs of others. You would feel harmonious and happy in yourself and share the joy!
3. Give yourself and someone else a compliment
Some people find it very hard to do this, mainly because if you don’t feel good in yourself, there is barely anything left in you to pass on to someone else. Take some time to notice all the good things about yourself, the achievements you’ve made and the compliments that other people have given you. Build up a bank of love and send it out to others as well. When you share and celebrate other people doing well, you get the same in return. For more advice on how to tap into your positive traits, see my article on How to Overcome Self Criticism and Negative Self Talk..
4. Stop comparing!
If you live your life constantly comparing what you have to what other people have, you will only feel like a failure. Why not make a decision to believe in yourself and your capabilities. Ask yourself these questions:
- What do you really love to do which gives you a sense of self worth?
- What drives you?
- What makes you feel completely satisfied and fulfilled?
- What will it take to make this passion become more real?
- How can you take more control of your life?
When you feel a sense of achievement in yourself and your life, you will find it much easier to congratulate and celebrate with other people for their own achievements. Imagine how you will feel once you’ve taken the valuable steps towards your own inner gratification!
5. Avoid power struggles
Provoking power struggles or having an urgent need to get the upper hand can be destructive in a relationship or friendship. Stand by what you believe in and know that you can gain empowerment in more positive ways by giving people choice. There is some healthy benefit in being competitive for fun but try to avoid doing it from a place of bitterness and envy.
6. Learn to trust
The fundamental ingredient to any relationship in any form is trust. If you find that you are suspicious or get anxious with something related to your partner, look to yourself to find out why that reason may be. Often this kind of behaviour is related to fear of losing the other person, but the more jealous you are, the more you will drive them away. Frequent bouts of jealousy will make you look paranoid, vulnerable, needy, dominating, abusive, violent, dismissive and stressful for the other person.
If you are in a relationship with someone who is jealous of you, then you need to draw to their attention the impact that it is having on you as their partner and work through a resolution together (perhaps get them to work on the questions below). If you are the one feeling jealous of your partner, ask yourself if you have good reason to feel this way. What is it that makes you feel jealous? You may not be able to answer this so I have put some questions together below which will help you draw it out.
When you get some quiet time, try reflecting on these and give as many answers for each one that you can scribble out. Answering these questions will give you a real insight into your rationale behind your jealousy and then you can begin to change it.
The good thing about being jealous is
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Being jealous benefits my relationship because
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If I didn’t feel jealous
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I am in control of my life because
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I feel I have achieved when
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“The surest route to breeding jealousy is to compare. Since jealousy comes from feeling less than another, comparisons only fan the fires.”
~ Dorothy Corkville Briggs
